Thursday, October 4, 2012

It's All Worth It

Hello, it's late, so I'm just going to say a quick "howdy-doo" before tucking in. Fall has fallen right into our laps! Last night I was hardly able to sleep, I was so hot. But today we kept the windows open all day and I even had to cuddle up with a blanket while reading my book, "That Hideous Strength" by C.S. Lewis, this afternoon. Even at this moment I'm wrapped up in a sweater and blanket (in shorts of course. The autumn weather hasn't quite set in with this California girl yet.) I am very excited for this weather change though. I'm looking forward to being able to layer clothes and not melt. Huzzah for October!
 A main reason for my post tonight was to give a shout-out to my oh-so-sweet boyfriend, Nathan. He's great. He has been such an influential part of my healing process. He has been with me through this crisis in my life since day one, literally. He was there with me when I was first told about Sam's supposed accident. He was the first person I told after I found out he had passed away. He became my closest friend in the months that followed. He made sure I was always invited to hang out and do fun activities with him and our friends, never letting me dig myself too deeply into my hole. He has been my best friend and greatest support, I can say with all honesty that I don't know where I would be without him. Probably not anywhere pleasant.
 As is happens, yesterday was "National Boyfriend Day", so my timing couldn't be any more perfect! I remember one night when Nate and I were sitting in his car one night trying to figure out what to do to kill some time before heading over to a friend's house. We were just sitting, the two of us, talking, some good tunes playing, and I asked him if I was his best friend. He replied that I was, and I smiled and said "Good, 'cause you're mine!"
 The same night I wrote about in my last post, the night I felt Sam so close, was also the best night of my life for another reason. That was the night that Nathan and I confessed that we loved each other. My heart had wings. I didn't come down from the clouds for a month. I was so glad to know how much he cared for me, this man who I've been in love with since the moment I met him. He was always a character of some of my daydreams, and once I began to know him better I knew that I was going to marry one day. It's such a funny story though, because I fought it for so long! Nathan had this quirky side to him and I was much more into the rebel-type. He was too good of a guy for me, and I was very immature. My older brothers encouraged us to date each other, which I should have taken as a sign because they have never supported anyone I've dated! (What older and over-protective brothers would, right?) And my best friend, since the day she met him, never stopped pestering me about how perfect we were and how we were going to be married easy-peasy. But I resisted. "He's got a funny laugh," I said. "He'll never see me as anything except Marshall & James' little sister" was another excuse. And then I got braces! So I was determined to say single for the two years I would have them on. But alas, soon enough his charm started weaseling its way under my defenses and began making me crazy.
 Our friends went back up to school, so it was only the two of us hanging out on the weekends. Then I found out he was dating a girl from Long Beach and it bothered me a lot more than it should have. The both of us had Disneyland passes so I would invite him to come a long when I went with my family. That's when I really started falling for him. For a few weeks I was stressing myself out with the inner debate that was constantly going on in my head about whether I liked him or not. I was so used to denying it for so long that it became habit and I had to undo all of my beliefs and really let myself fall for him. A pivotal point was the Halloween dance. The whole dance I much preferred to sit on the stage with Nate while he operated the lighting rather than down in the crowd with my friends. After that I knew. I had no choice, I was smitten. Now it was all a matter of getting him to fall for me... * maniacal laugh*
 He did not resit my charm long. It only took him until January... It took me accidentally sending him a text about him, meant for my mother. I was SO embarrassed. I wanted to crawl under a rock and NEVER speak to him again. Luckily, being the sweetheart that he is, he texted me the next day as if nothing had happened. Bless his heart. But that wasn't enough either! I had to get mad at him. Mad enough that again I vowed never to talk to him. And I'm glad that I did, because he came around and the next week he kissed me and we began our beautiful relationship as boyfriend & girlfriend! I suppose he needed that moment of passion. Next week it will be our nine month anniversary. Nine of the best months of my life.
Nate is my everything. He gave meaning to my life when I thought that there could never be anything. His love makes ever the most dreary day seem worth something. I love you Nathan Ryan. Stay Sweet. xoxo

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