Thursday, September 4, 2014

A Window

You have heard the phrase 'When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window'? That phrase has become something dear to me as I reflected on my past and the trials that I have endured. It's easy to get caught in the rut of victimhood. It is easy for me to dwell on the unfairness of life, and when I do that it's easy for me to find myself thinking that God doesn't really care -- not that much. I think about my brothers death so often and I wonder why. I am filled with all of these questions that I realize will never be answered in this life... and my heart aches. 

But in my recent musings a new thought came into my mind: I am so lucky that Nate was there!

That thought really struck me, and it's odd because I have thought so many times of how wonderful it was having Nate as a friend during that time, but, for some unknown reason, this time it really resonated in my soul -- my bruised, aching soul -- how blessed I am! I am blessed. I am loved. I am cared for.

Is it a coincidence that mere months before I was going to to experience the most difficult trial of my life thus far that I met my forever companion? Was it a coincidence that we were together on that infamous day and that he was able to comfort me? Was it a coincidence that he felt compelled to reach out to me over and over again in kind friendship? I choose not to believe in coincidences. I believe in mercy. I believe my God was opening a window for me -- a sweet, sweet window.

In the months following Sam's passing Nathan and I quickly became the best of friends. When I was with him I was able to forget the sorrows and find happiness and, eventually, joy was able to replace sorrow as my more constant companion. He pulled me out of myself so many times, an act for which I will be grateful to for eternity. In all honesty, I do not know what would have become of me without him.

I wish I knew the reasons why sad things happen. I so wish that I could stop them from happening. I am grateful though for this new reminder that God is with us. Even when things are at their worst, and even if you don't see it right away, I can testify that someone is always watching over you. Windows are always being opened, we just have to look for them.

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