Thursday, July 14, 2011

Running Around

I think I need a happy post :] I keep going back to one I've been working on about how it's been 2 weeks since "it happened", but I can never get the right words out. So I'll go back to that one eventually. As for now, things to be happy about!

June 7th, the Thursday after Sam's funeral, Dad & Mom, Amanda, Marshall & Whitney, Nicholas, and Papa & Grandma Becky all went down to the Los Angeles temple to do Sam's temple work! He received the Melchizedek priesthood and also received his endowments. It was so special! I just wish I could have been there. He beat me to the temple, the little punk! He always had to be best & first at everything. It's OK though. I'm glad that he could have that all done immediately and we didn't have to wait a certain amount of time before he could receive the full blessings of the temple. Now he's running around in heaven, getting as much done as he possibly can, I'm sure! If he was like that on earth I can't even imagine what he's like in heaven :]

I got to see Brooks! He came down for the funeral. Not the happiest reason for a visit, I almost cried when I saw him just because of the reason he was here. A bitter-sweet reunion, but still wonderful. It made me happy and cheered me up quite a bit (ask any member of my family) to have him around. I can't wait till I can see him again. Until then the phone will have to do :]

I've been to the beach twice! First on Saturday the 9th, I went with the Santa Clarita single's ward and got sun burnt so bad, it's not even funny! I put sun screen on in the morning when I first got there, went swimming in the ocean multiple times, and never reapplied! Big no no.
My family also came later in the day. With Robin Decker! I had a great time hanging out with them, too. And the Winds came! My best friend from when I was a little girl, Sarah Wind, moved to Arizona when we were about 10 or 11 and we lost touch, well her family came back to California for Samuel's funeral and then spent the day at the beach with us. It was so fun seeing them and hanging out again. It's crazy seeing how big all of them have gotten! Especially Emma and Paige! They're all so pretty. I've missed them :]

Then we went to the beach again on Monday with the Harts and the Lauricellas. THAT was tough. Being there with them, hanging out with them, and having fun with them, but all without Sam just felt wrong! Seeing Timmy playing with Darby, and Jack & Dom playing, and then Dino & Devin. Watching them having fun together, sitting in the sand talking, building sand castles, it was all sweet and nice to know they have each other but, at the same time, it made me angry. How can they have fun without Sam?! How can life go on without him here with us?? It doesn't make sense.

I know Sam's here in spirit, but it's not the same! I can't talk to him. If I have a question I can't just walk over to his room and ask him for the answer. If I didn't know something or I couldn't do something I knew I could always go to him and he would know or we would figure it out together. We really were best friends growing up, then as I started getting older I drifted away but he's been getting older now and catching up with me. We've just been starting to get close again in the last year. He would come into be room and just lay on my bed as I was reading or doing homework or something and just lay there and talk to me about stuff. Ask me questions, or for my opinion, or just tell me things. I loved that. About once a day the thought still crosses my mind, "oh I need to ask Sam about that" or "I wonder if Sam knows". Then it sucks when I snap back into reality.

Last night was hard. It was the first time we'd watched a movie together as a family and when the movie was over we had family prayer with just Dad, Mom, Tim, Jack, and me. James, Marshall & Whit had all gone back to there homes on Sunday, Nick was out with friends, and Amanda and her kiddos had all gone to bed already. So it was just the usual crowd....without Sam. It's been nice having all the family here because it kinda keeps you distracted. But it's going to be hard when Amanda finally leaves. It will be more obvious that I'm missing one of "my boys". And then there were 3... No longer the 4 of us doing things together. Everything is going to feel empty.

Alright, this got depressing!

I got two more teeth pulled this week! That's #7 & 8 this year! 4 wisdom teeth, 2 bottom jaw molars, and 2 top jaw molars. My head feels so light! hehehe. And in 2 weeks I'm getting braces! Ahhhhh! No bueno.
I found out that my dentist who is responsible for the extracting of my teeth from my mouth, Dr. Ryan, also had a sibling die from a heart problem. He was 17 and his sister, who passed away, was 15. Just like Sam and I (except I'm 18 and Sam is 16). It's amazing how many people I've met or I've found out have lost a sibling or a child! I know this sounds kind of horrible to say, but it's actually a great comfort to know that other people have dealt with this and survived. It's nice to know you're not alone.
Dr. Ryan said some really comforting things. He said that not a day goes by that he doesn't think of his sister. He hasn't forgotten her. He still remember all the memories, the good and the bad, the fun times and the disagreements. It puts me a bit at ease to know that I'll never forget my Sam.

I love you Sammy-kablammy!
I miss you.

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